Mother's guilt

Guilt is one of those things that can either push us further, make us stronger, or stop us right in our tracks. I hope this is a story of strength!

Latley I have taken up running again. I need this, it clears my mind, strengthens my body, and just makes me a nicer person all around :) While I run I think about so many things, I pray, I think about my children, but the one person I always think about at the end of my run is Cecilia. See after a good run I can finally get a good stretch on my broken arm.

And after 5 months, it still hurts, it's still tight and I only had it in a cast for 3 weeks! I pull my arm back, feel the pain of the muscels and then my heart begins to hurt. I have to take Cecilia's arm and leg and stretch it multiple times a day. She hasn't been on a long run, her body isn't extremly loose and warm and ready for a major stretch, and yet I need to get her stretched out. I think to myself, if this hurts me, and I only had my arm stiff in a cast for three weeks.....how bad can she hurt since it took me 9 months to realize something was wrong.

Guilt is a very strong thing. I choose to step up to the challenge, I warm her up as best as I can, I thank God for giving me this perspective, and I stretch her. I see her walk better, grab things with her left hand, and smile and laugh at how proud she is of herself!

Don't let mother's guilt stop you.

Not a professional

 I am not a professional at anything parenting... but I have tons of opinions!! :)  One thing that I love to tell other people how to do - but have not succeeded in doing it in the said way, is potty training!!  Potty training is sooo hard!!  I'm sure most moms would agree.  With this little girl, it has been next to impossible!!  I thought girls were easier??   Well, she is very strong-willed and with all the crazy changes in our lives I guess she decided to have a little control in her life....

I am proud to say that after constant talks, her holding it in all the time to the point of me getting extremely worried, and some tears (maybe mine) Miss Abigail Anderson Maddox has officially started going on the potty!!  She is not "trained" but let me tell you, we are sooooo much closer than we were a few days ago!!  Thank you Jesus!!

Hello again!

I finally called my grandmother (Memere) yesterday and I realized that I'm not the only one who reads my blog. This beautiful, amazing woman; who we once saw about once a week now only has this blog and facebook to keep up with my rascals

So I decided I needed to get back on the horse and try blogging again. I love blogging. I love telling all of you my stories, random thoughts, crazy moments, and so forth, but 2012 has been a bit crazy and scramble with all the moves and house decisions so I'm still readjusting. God is great, and I have some amazing children, family, and friends, so this to shall pass and things will feel normal again (or is this the new normal?)

Anyways, a few weeks ago we were blessed with a visit from my cute little nephew Henry L. Murphy III (a.k.a. Bing). I promised my mother, his mother, and myself that we would get a picture of all five of them....hahahaha! Children are hilarious

Not sure Bing thought Stephen was so hilarious (but don't worry Nikki, Bing had enough sense to get out of there before things got too rowdy!)

Happy Summer!

Did you know?

 Did you know that I love this guy?

I love so many things about him, especially how amazing of a father he is!! 

and well I love that he is as silly and crazy as me :) 

Happy Friday!

I just put Abby and the twins down for a nap

grabbed my computer so that I could maybe finish this post

Walked down stairs

And behold....Alan walked in the front door!!!

Happy Friday!!!  Thank you shipyard for whatever reason the power went out! 

A little lost

 Happy Easter everyone!!!  Things around here have been crazy busy - like most families I know :)  I do feel a little lost these days though - hence the inability to blog.  Things are just a little different right now with the whole not having our own home thing :0  But I know how blessed we are to have a free place to stay while we find "the perfect one." 

 There are far more bonuses to minuses when it comes to living with family and having four small children! 

I won't go through the entire list, but one of my favorite is how all of my sweet children jump for joy when a grandparent enters the room!! 

Even when moments are hard, and I start having a little anxiety about getting a new house I remember that this will always be a special time in my children's memory.  I should cherish it with them and enjoy the extra help!!

No news is good news?

So I once again have to begin this post with an apology. I have been so bad about blogging, even though I love to do it. Things around here have been crazy - and to be honest I haven't had much to say.

As you all know a few months ago we noticed some stuff going on with Cecilia, so we started a four month journey to finding out exactly what. We knew almost immediately that there was in fact something, possibly something very serious going on so we prayed, and asked you all for prayers

I'm happy to say that we did get the best diagnosis possible. Still I have to admit, it was hard for me to hear and harder for me to say out loud the first time - but still out of all the things that could have been going on a Stroke at birth was our best option.

I remember when I first realized that Cecilia might have had a stroke or something else. I started reading websites and blogs and stressing out more than I can explain (but I know there are so many mothers who know what I mean and who have gone through so much more, my prayers continue to be with you and your family) One particular website had a story. It stated that when you find out that a child has some sort of set back you go through a mourning moment. She compared it to planning a trip to Paris, getting excited to see the sights, having all the hotels and restaurants lined up, and then your plane lands in Amsterdam. You find out that there is no way you can get to Paris for your vacation and you are stuck there for the entire two weeks. At first you are frustrated, sad, thinking about all the plans you had - and then you end up having the time of your life!

I had some of those moments, more or less when I thought something could have been worse. But still now. I know that our road with Cecilia will not be exactly the same as it will with Jude or the others (but really, is any road with any child the same?)  But it is going to be a road that I will love, and trip that I will enjoy (almost) every moment, and I will never look back.  She is so amazing, and so smart, and I think I am finally able to see the absolute miracle that my children are. God is so good, He knows what He is doing, and I know that this Lent has been a great opportunity for me and our family to grow in a deeper trust and love of Him, and I feel that I have, and pray that I continue on that journey.
As for my sweet Cecilia, she is doing great - she actually took her first steps the other day!! I know that our journey will start to change a bit as she grows and we learn more about how this stroke has effected her, but no matter what I know God is with us and guiding us through this entire adventure!

As for everyone else, they are doing great! We still have not found "the one" when it comes to a new house - but again we have faith that God has a plan and as long as we continue to seek Him we will find it!

So I hope everyone has had a peaceful Good Friday, may your Holy Saturday be filled with true anticipation for a wonderful joyful Easter! I know God has taught us a lot this Lent, may we keep those lessons and Graces close to us!

God Bless you all, and thank you for your prayers! :)