I can't believe it's been 1 month already!! To say it's flown by would be an understatement - but now that I'm acknowledging that it's been 1 month, maybe I should get out of my sweat pants for a few days :)
As for the twins, their doing pretty good. We headed to the doctor yesterday and did the weight check. For most, this is a very normal process - for me, I am always nervous at weight checks
See, Stephen couldn't gain weight, he had to be supplemented from two weeks on - that was hard for me to handle. Abby, she was an amazing nurser and never took formula - I felt like I had conquered what ever issue I had with Stephen (please note, that I do not believe that you are a bad mother if you give your child formula, I am just a very prideful and hard-headed person who puts something in her mind and wants to do it no matter what)
The twins had issues at the very beginning with weight, mainly b/c of the jaundice and the inability to stay awake (except at night of course). So we supplemented a little until they came off the blue light suits.
So with two weeks only nursing, feeling like they were doing great - plenty of tee's and poo poo's I was somewhat confident going to the doctor. Talk about a wind out of my sails, little Jude is only 7lbs 4oz and Cecilia is 7lbs 2oz. This is one of those moments where I am going to be extremely honest with you - one, you can't see or hear me cry which is what I do when I talk about this, and two I just need to vent.
I feel like a failure! Bottom line, I know I'm not, but I sure feel like it. I've read all the books, taken the herbal supplements, pumped, jumped on one foot while singing songs (ok, that one's not a proven method of increasing breast milk) still I've done it all - and still can't make enough milk or at least enough fatty milk to feed my children. That's a hard thing to swallow! All the books and doctors say that our bodies make enough, we just have to keep trying and pumping and all that jazz - but somehow I'm just not doing the job.
There, I've admitted it the world - now I will suck up my pride and make a bottle, b/c I know that at the end of the day the health of my children is what is most important. I'm still nursing, I won't stop doing that - it's to good for them; but we will just add to the routine of feeding twins and add a bottle in there a few times a day. Maybe, just maybe this will give Alan and I some sleep; that would be the ultimate positive side of this!
Ok, that's all I got this morning - I do have a little Jude who is ready and willing to eat at this exact moment! :) God bless you all!